CW7: take one day at a time

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.” – Lily Tomlin

16.2.2025

Last night I dreamt I was in a writing workshop and the teacher was refusing to review my newsletter because she found it too dull to even critique it. In the dream I was offended and sad, but I had this unshaking belief that she was wrong.

I have been wondering, again, why I write. Why do we all write? Do we want to be read, or do we just need to get the words out? I don’t have an answer, but I thank you for opening this newsletter and proving my subconscious somewhat wrong :)

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THE OUTFITS

When I get lost in my head I become an insecure thing, frightened of my own voice and the effect it may have on others. I starve for approval, become dependent on it: the only means of surviving is making sure everyone around me still thinks of me as good. I’ve - of course - learnt to not actually ask, because I imagine it is draining for people’s motives and attitudes towards me to be questioned.

At the end of the day, people who are decent / kind / loving to me don’t owe me reassurance.

A normal, straightforward day. We’ll take it as a win.

I learnt about the existence of a new social media app (ndr. the internet tells me it’s a live shopping platform) called Bazr: users can watch livestreams featuring influencers selling products that can be then bought directly from the app.
I can’t imagine logging onto a platform with the only purpose of falling prey to sponsored content, agreeing to be used as an empty vessel for influencer-company transactions, but it is clear that I am not the main target for the app.

Discovering the app and watching this Instagram reel filled me with an immense sense of dread towards the state of things, so I am once again attempting to regain control over my emotions and learnt to not be always stimulated. It is taking real effort.

My journey with pole dancing continues and I am always excited about the improvements I can see week by week. It is strange for me to think of myself as a sporty person, but - objectively - that is who I am: I love trying out new sports, going for runs, moving my body every morning. Growing up sports felt like my enemy, because my body took too much space and it felt like an obstacle.

Now, as an adult, I wonder if the only think stopping me from considering myself athletic is the fact that I am not skinny. How much does our perception of ourselves impact our ability to do what we would like to do?

I love Valentine’s day the way I love Xmas. I don’t care if it is a day fuelled by marketing and consumerism, I like having government mandated dates to celebrate those who make my life better. I love love! I love showing love! I love receiving love! If that is a crime, then I’ll be a Valentine’s criminal ;)

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